Immortals (2011)

Greg Says: Beautiful people in ridiculous costumes and a little Deus ex Machina.

Title: Immortals (2011)
Date: 18 November 2011
Recommendation: Don’t Waste Your Time
Helpful: 1 out of 3 found this helpful.

Theseus (Henry Cavill “The Tudors”) is a peasant man, born of a raped woman who was outcast by her clan as a whore. But Theseus is a devoted son. Zeus (Luke Evans “The Three Musketeers”), king of the gods, takes the form of a wizened old man and trains him in the art of warfare.

King Hyperion (Mickey Rourke “Iron Man 2”) is the foulest of leaders, bent on the destruction of the Gods. To do this, he must retrieve the Epirus Bow which has the power to release the Titans : godlike creatures who have been trapped by Zeus in a previous war and have the power to dispatch the Olympians. Theseus has befriended the beautiful virgin Oracle Phaedra (Freida Pinto “Rise of the Planet of the Apes”). Hyperion wants Phaedra so that she will reveal the location of the bow and he can release the Titans. And we’re off…

I’m no scholar of Greek mythology, but this story bore no resemblance to any Greek story I know. The characters are all named wrong and the events are not anything that was written by the Greeks. Okay, maybe some of it was. So, if you’re looking for a great Greek myth told with modern zeal, keep looking.

The 3D effects in this movie were just annoying. In several scenes we are presented with a branch or twig that sits in the center of the screen and juts into our faces. Meanwhile, earnest actors are carrying on doing their best work walking behind the twig to show off its 3D- ness. Bad mojo.

However, the people are just beautiful. Cavill is a handsome man with a chiseled body. Freida Pinto is possibly the most beautiful woman in Hollywood, and we get a nice look at her naked backside (or is it a body double? In my reality it is Pinto). Luke Evans as Zeus is god-like and Kellan Lutz (“Twilight”) as Poseidon was buff. Isabel Lucas (“Kin”) was angelic in her portrayal of grey-eyed Athena, champion of the mortals.

The fight scenes were amazing. The 3D gore was impressive. There is an ending credit sequence that stands on its own as an awesome bit of 3D fight-rendering.

But none of that is good enough to warrant a recommendation. The first act was confusing with an undefined hero and unclear motivations for the characters. The secondary / sidekick characters were never developed. There is a “rouse the boys” scene (ala “Braveheart”) that is impossible to believe. And this film definitely wants to be another “300” where a handful of fervent Greeks hold off a much larger army. “300” this is not.

So, for a meek story told with over-zealous technological wizardry I suggest you “Don’t waste your time.”